Work-Place Accidents

Silence I Kill You!

As Al-Qaeda in the Maghreb contemplates suicide-by-cop, and Achmed the Death Terrorist’s projectile dysfunction causes premature detonation yet again, members of the self-immolatory terrorist community are under investigation by the Health and Safety Executive.

The past few years have seen a number of cases of shocking sapper-skills, resulting in WNPD (“Wrong/No Place Detonation”). A double-failure to achieve maximum carnage occured in June 2007, starting with a car-bomb intended to immolate scores of dancing slags in Haymarket, London when excessive accelerant resulted in WNPD and alerted the attention of a drunk and Police constable. A second car-bomb was towed away by traffic wardens after being parked illegally.

In desperation, the culprits attempted to initiate detonation personally the next day at Glasgow Airport but succeeded only in destroying a perfectly good car and receiving a thorough beating from passers-by.

Even in Afghanistan, where one would have thought practioners were well-versed in the technology, accidents happen. Nearby, a party of Taleban gathered to bid farewell to a departing comrade, but the ethusiastic back-slapping resulted in premature detonation.

I have often thought that many of the drivers of truck bombs in Iraq are as surprised as bystanders at the explosion, and a recent interview by CNN appears to confirm this. So lax was the attention to health and safety that, in this case, the driver was able to disembark before the explosion. He now tours the circuit telling would-be jihadists, “If you join al Qaeda, they will use you, and maybe you will die”.

Something has to be done.

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